I hope my grrrrs can relate to one of these…There are some things I’m completely disastrous …my family / friends watch the entertainment unfold:
Peeling an orange/tangerine – (hey, watch mom)
Come on, trying to poke my finger in to get a peel. Finally! Except one teeny-tiny-bitty strip comes off. (ARGH!) The rest is stuck on like cement. Or…no peel at all…Uh, don’t tell me I have to bite into this thing? ack! Where’s the knife?
**That’s why I ONLY buy cuties now. I can peel those suckers. When I’m visiting someone…Would you like an orange, uh, no thanks. Oh, they are cut. Okay then.
Opening any type item packaged in soft or hard plastic – (husband watches wife)
I just want a string cheese (biting and jerking) F***K! It’s supposed to slide open easily. Why do I have the one not made right? Where the scissors!
I just want a battery! Why is this packaging so difficult – where the scissors! Why won’t they cut through? (then I cut myself on the jagged plastic) OWWWW! Stupid thing!
**That’s why I have my husband open all the kid’s toys packages.
cracking eggs(everyone watches with curiosity and celebrates when I have success)
Seriously, what the hell? My mom taught me to use the edge of a butter knife to crack them nicely and I still can’t get it to go smoothly. Crack, crumble, CRAP. Oh, that’s a good one, yet there’s still an itty-bitty shell in the mix…and can’t get that damn thing out – what the hell? Gaaaah. Who wants eggs…
**That’s why my kids only know scrambled, because that’s all mom makes! What’s over easy? What’s poach? By the time I’m done, they are already scrambled. (I can pick out the teeny shell after cooked) And don’t get me started on omelettes. To flip/fold those suckers. Disastrous mess!
Putting pillows into pillow cases(my husband hides and laughs while listening to my struggles)
“I don’t get it!” I yell it to the ceiling. I end up hopping around like a mad person…
GET IN THERE
(mmmphpyyyh, ffffff, argghgh)
Shakey-shakey. End up shoving hand in to squish it down. Yeah, I won, you sumbitch. OHHHHH, it’s twisted! Damn it, I’m hot-n-sweaty now.
**That’s when my husband walks into the room to find a pillow and case abandoned in whatever state on the floor or bed – where ever I threw it. He calmly fixes it in 2 seconds flat. (I glare at him…don’t say anything)
So…maybe you can’t relate on mine…but maybe you have some of your own. (please) I don’t want to be the only hot mess out there!
We’ve all heard the adage, “Savor the little things in life.”
There are phrases out there that make us smile. Of course, what parent doesn’t adore when their child says, “I love you, momma” or wakes and says “morning, mom” Or the love expressed by your spouse/significant other. Outside of those obvious items inherent to most of the population, what else makes you smile and savor the tiny bits of life? Here’s some of my list:
Old Shows, with famous lines
Like Ricardo Montalban of Fantasy Island
“Smiles, everyone, Smiles”
The beeping of the coffee machine
indicating coffee is brewed and ready
The “ding” sound of my computer/phone notifying me
I have a new text
a new message on Facebook
a like / or comment on blog
When an announcer yells either of these:
“Are you READY?”
“Let’s get ready to RUMBLE”
When I hear a live album (said before each concert)
“Hello, I’m Johnny Cash”
Jane’s Addiction’s intro to STOP
such a great way to anticipate the rockin’ beginning
“señores y señoras
nosotros tenemos más influencia con sus hijos que tu tiene
pero los queremos…
creado y regado de Los Angeles
and then we scream with the band:
“Here were go!
Quotes from movies, like Corey Haim, The Lost Boys
“My own brother, a blood sucking vampire…
….you just wait until I tell mom”
At a county fair and ringing bell
“Winner, Winner, Winner…
Officiant telling newly married couple
“You may now kiss your bride”
When you are starving and you hear
“Your order is ready”
Yes, this is just a starter list. I need to pay attention more to things that make me smile. And maybe, I’ll end up smiling even more! What are yours?
The local movie theater does their summer movie series, where they show animated movies for just a $1.00. It’s fun to see favorites again, while sitting in a cool theater. I’ve been contemplating having my kids go by themselves as an exercise in independence. However, my son (now 13) has decided he’s much too old and refuses to go. And this week is a set of movies I don’t care much to see. So, my husband comes home and inquired what was on the schedule for tomorrow…going to the movies? I immediately said not me, but our daughter was going to meet her friends there. When asked why I wasn’t going:
“I don’t want to see Rango 2”
“Rango? Oh Rio 2?”
I indicated she was going to walk, but that I was having second thoughts, because it seems kind of far and she’ll be by herself. But then, I remembered, I was riding my bike all over the city when I was 10. She’s almost 12, so she should be fine, right? My husband replies:
“Yeah, but it’s 1917 now.”
“Really…So … she needs a proper escort? Ensuring she doesn’t dress up like a Flapper Girl and pick up a new mobster boyfriend along the way? They shall have a smashing good time going to the Piggly Wiggly to pick up some pep pills, and get completely blotto before hitting the dance hall and maybe shooting-up the place and end up dead and buried?”
He just stared at me for a second, “Yeah, you better go with her.”
So, my husband and I have almost reached our limit on packing. There comes a time, when you just become loopy and do silly things.
For instance today, my husband removes the Star Wars Night Light saber off my son’s wall. Although our son is 13, and doesn’t need a night light, we keep it because it’s cool. When you push the remote control button, it flashes a different color each time, while making the swooosh sound. It’s great wall art and fun in the dark.
My husband comes out with it, and sits on the couch – pushing it a few times to change colors,
“Look, you light me up, hon.”
Except, how it was being held was positioned in front of his wiener.
“I meant that to be cheesy romantic, not dirty. Uh, but that works too”
as he flashes it through colors very quickly. Looking at it in a new light.
At first, I explained this as “new-mom” syndrome. Can’t recall names of products, snapping fingers…just letting sentences die off and moving onto next subject. Back then everyone helped you finish sentences, because simply looking at you in your state of dress, or lack of clothing, and hair sticking up or in a messy bun/pony…possibly half naked with breast pump in hand…or you’re chasing the toddler ready to launch himself into a somersault down the stairs…
No one expected you to be ableto form complete sentences. You’re doing too many things. It’s understandable. But that excuse kinda goes out the window, when your kids are starting their teens.
Now, you do get a “freebie” because everyone in the family got used to you calling each other by different names. That doesn’t go away. My son especially loves when I refer to him as Ozo, our dog. And Vice versa…(what, seriously, they act the same way, no wonder I get confused)…now he just answers. It might be in the form of “argggh / uhhh” whine/grunt.. ( a primitive language I’m not fluent) but he acknowledges that I’m trying to talk to him while he flops around on the floor or couch or walks like that thing we see on tv.
However, yesterday…my husband started running the water to do that night’s dishes, and as he squeezed an empty bottle of Dawn, attempting to get out remnants, instead only little bubbles escaped and capered about,
“Hey, hon…there’s uh…uh.. more under the sink. (continued squeezing sound)…there’s more uh..soap, washing stuff under the sink…detergent (squeezy-squeezy)…uh…uh…there’s more!”
For the love of god, I couldn’t remember the words, “Dish Washing Liquid” and he enjoyed listening to my struggle! He did extra dry-squeezes on purpose, as with each squeeze, my voice went up a level in agitation, and a couple bubbles would escape and float. And he never once helped me find the illusive words. (jerk-face)
I suppose I get to use the “I’m a parent of a teenager” excuse now… you can’t expect much from me when I have to fight over whether or not my son is going to shower that day or my daughter will eat the dinner you made or who gets the living room tv, or explain the reason why we need to wear deodorant for the 100th time. (or why we need to put some clothes on)
arghggh (I’m practicing my teenage son’s language)