Early morning, 5:30ish, I quietly went downstairs to start Thanksgiving morning. Since we had two tables, we needed 2 sets of Salt-n-Pepper shakers. Went to fill up the decorative salt and pepper shakers for the first time ever…tilted one over, took the plug out and began to pour salt.
Immediately, I felt salt pouring in my hand that was holding the shaker…and assumed I was missing the hole (It was early) I stopped … only to realize, I was not missing, it was simply falling out the other end, because I was holding the shaker upside down. (Ugh!)
Although we don’t care for Turkey, my husband cooked a great bird. It was moist and tasty due to cooking inside plastic bag, poking holes in bag and basting with a pad of butter. Unfortunately, since we had no stuffing inside, the bird cooked a little faster and was done an hour sooner than planned.
The in-laws arrived right on time with the stuffing and variety of items (that we already had), to which my husband’s step-mother informed us that her daughter was always late. (and a tip, to tell her to come 1/2 hour sooner to any event) – Eventually, She and her new boyfriend showed up about 45 minutes late…and her guy was carrying a 9X12 dish of pre-cooked TURKEY. (WTF?)
When I inquired about the mashed potatoes and green beans she was supposed to bring, she said she brought them, but still had to make them. She acted surprised, like she didn’t know that her boyfriend brought turkey. Seriously?
Between the step mom and her daughter…they took over the kitchen to do their part of the dinner…except, the sister would “start” something and then leave. She’d go visit or plop herself on the couch and text. I kept asking who had placed something in the microwave, because it kept beeping that something was done.
She then yelled from the living room to the kitchen, “Oh, that’s the bacon for the green beans. MOM. check to see if it’s done.”
Of course, grandma, with wine in hand, was busy telling my husband what to do. “I don’t know if your bacon is done. You check it. By the way, your instant mashed potatoes are burning.”
To which she yelled back, “Oh, stir those for me, MOM.”
Then she’d come back in the kitchen…I ended up leaving and finding a quiet corner of the living room, as my hubby was trying to carve the turkey, the other two began bickering. Then they kept telling my husband, put everything in the oven to stay warm, while he carved. The step-sister would walk out…and then come back in…finally to address the damn beeping microwave that had been going off for 30 minutes that contained bacon bits for the green beans.
“Where’s the green beans? Where are the green beans?”
My husband calmly stated they were In the oven. When inquired why he did that, “because your mom told me to, to keep them warm.”
She opened the oven door, and peered inside and said, “I can’t find the green beans.”
OMG they are right there. Meanwhile, because she and her boyfriend are alcoholics, they drink a ton of coffee. AND I MEAN, our poor coffee pot, I’m surprised still works, because she made like 10 pots that evening. And one time, she didn’t get the pot on the actual burner and while the coffee was brewing, it was partially getting in the pot, and partially dripping onto the new counter top and down my new cabinets and flooring that is not meant to handle puddles of liquid. (FUCK) I had to run in, and try not to over-react, but quickly correct and clean.
After dinner, I eventually disappeared for a bit, while they all played nickel knock with the kids. I came back to clean-up, and my son, sitting between grandma and auntie said,
“Why are you guys talking so loudly? You’re right next to my face and saying LALAALALALA” (I bust up laughing in the kitchen, because seriously, I’m loud…but holy shit…those two are so damn loud and they were basically yelling in my kids’ face, animated or disagreeing over the game.
There is so much more…like disagreements on flakey buscuits vs. rolls and where the rolls will be placed. It took me 2 days to recover. No lie, it felt like I had a hang-over the following day, but only had 1 glass of wine the entire time.
#saynotohosting
Don’t you love when people invite themselves over and expect you to be gracious about it? That’s how I felt when my husband’s step-sister announced:
Flip Flops Every day 