Things I suck at

~ Sandi

I hope my grrrrs can relate to one of these…There are some things I’m completely disastrous …my family / friends watch the entertainment unfold:

Peeling an orange/tangerine – (hey, watch mom)

Wait! What’s this?

Come on, trying to poke my finger in to get a peel.  Finally!  Except one teeny-tiny-bitty strip comes off. (ARGH!)  The rest is stuck on like cement.  Or…no peel at all…Uh, don’t tell me I have to bite into this thing?  ack!  Where’s the knife?  

 

**That’s why I ONLY buy cuties now.  I can peel those suckers.  When I’m visiting someone…Would you like an orange, uh, no thanks.  Oh, they are cut.  Okay then.

Opening any type item packaged in soft or hard plastic – (husband watches wife)

I just want a string cheese (biting and jerking)  F***K!   It’s supposed to slide open easily.  Why do I have the one not made right?   Where the scissors! 

I just want a battery!  Why is this packaging so difficult – where the scissors!  Why won’t they cut through?  (then I cut myself on the jagged plastic) OWWWW!  Stupid thing!

**That’s why I have my husband open all the kid’s toys packages.

cracking eggs (everyone watches with curiosity and celebrates when I have success)

Seriously, what the hell?  My mom taught me to use the edge of a butter knife to crack them nicely and I still can’t get it to go smoothly.  Crack, crumble, CRAP.  Oh, that’s a good one, yet there’s still an itty-bitty shell in the mix…and can’t get that damn thing out – what the hell?  Gaaaah.  Who wants eggs…

**That’s why my kids only know scrambled, because that’s all mom makes!  What’s over easy?  What’s poach?  By the time I’m done, they are already scrambled.  (I can pick out the teeny shell after cooked)  And don’t get me started on omelettes.   To flip/fold those suckers.  Disastrous mess!

Putting pillows into pillow cases (my husband hides and laughs while listening to my struggles)

Why? Why, won’t it go in?

“I don’t get it!”  I yell it to the ceiling.  I end up hopping around like a mad person…  

GET IN THERE

(mmmphpyyyh, ffffff, argghgh)  

Shakey-shakey.  End up shoving hand in to squish it down.  Yeah, I won, you sumbitch. OHHHHH, it’s twisted!  Damn it, I’m hot-n-sweaty now.

**That’s when my husband walks into the room to find a pillow and case abandoned in whatever state on the floor or bed – where ever I threw it.  He calmly fixes it in 2 seconds flat.  (I glare at him…don’t say anything)

So…maybe you can’t relate on mine…but maybe you have some of your own. (please) I don’t want to be the only hot mess out there!

21 thoughts on “Things I suck at”

  2. It’s the little round CR2032 batteries I use in my kitchen scale, sealed up like Fort Knox. Scissors, jagged hard plastic edges, no matter how close to the battery I cut it’s still sealed. Puts me in a bad mood.

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  3. Although I seem to have gotten better at putting pillows into their covers, there have been many a time where scooting the pillow on a vertical plane turned into punching myself in the jaw because of a hand slip. ouchies. I feel your pain!

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    1. RIGHT – and then you’re all hot and sweaty after. Reminds me of Jim Carey in the movie Liar Liar – the security guard finds him in the bathroom. “What are you doing?” and he says “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m kicking my ass.”

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  4. Oh! You are such a beautiful hot mess though! 😂 I’m in tears! The pillow case? Seriously? Haha! Use the flat end of the butter knife for the eggs or, what I do is use an egg to crack an egg. Simple and no mess. Just go easy as Mr. Miyagi taught us, “Wax on, wax off”. Flow with the movement.

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    2. 😂😂 I think we need to invest in some HSN alone time for you so that you can find solutions to your culinary and domestic problems.

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    4. Having to go to Shoppers Anonymous, of course. Uh-doy! Do you remember that expression? Omg, that just popped into my head. Hahaha!

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    5. YES – and duh, and ewww moated you (? my cousins loved that phrase) you ate it –
      spaz, dork, – I remember once telling my mom (jokingly) “You’re such a dork.” She didn’t find the humor.

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    1. All right! I’m not the only one! (throws hand in air celebrating) You think with “practice” it would get better…but no.

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  7. Yes to all of these, especially the pillow cases. It looks easy, but nope, 🙂 One that gets me so mad is cardboard boxes of food. It has the perforated place, just punch it in. I can never punch through that, and wind up stabbing the box, or sawing through with a knife.

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