Welcome…Queer Eye for Interior Design Guy

My moving Saga continued…

As I mentioned in my last post, after our realtor decided to show up on Friday and set up for Saturday…wayyyyy early, she brought with her this guy we had never met prior… who the heck was this Harvey character showing up to our condo and looking at things and measuring?

He’s the first up the stairs, and stops and slowly takes in our place for the first time.  Immediately, he strikes me as Carson Kressley, from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (for interior design.)  I hear him grumble under his breath,

“Oh.  Brown  kitchen cabinets.  I guess…that’s…o..kay.” 

Upon further inspection,

“Yes, I suppose they look good.  Yeah, they look good.” 

Like he had to convince himself.  Really?  By this point, what’s done is done.  OPEN HOUSE is the next day.  Just because you are used to seeing white cabinets everywhere lately… doesn’t mean everything else is bad.  We like the brown. (image below of our kitchen and dishwasher in distance)

condo photo- dishwasherBecause I was so angry that they decided to just “move on in” and distract us from our work at 3:00PM… my hubby and I just ignored them.  We were under the impression this military guy, a prospective buyer, was going to be swinging by around 5:30 because he was going to be on active duty through the weekend, so he needed to see our place that night!  So we continued to diligently clean our place.

Meanwhile, this Harvey guy was asking for a measuring tape.  So, of course, Bill had to stop and provide him a tape.  If you are going to come to someone’s house and think about “changing” or “adding” things… wouldn’t you come prepared with your own tools?  That’s what I mean by constant interruption.  Combine that with our realtor looking at the wall, and pointing out a nick and asking when it will be fixed.  Leave us alone so we can get things done!

In a past post, I had indicated they had us buy a roll of this faux “stainless steel” wall-paper-like covering for our dishwasher door.  We refused, and didn’t have the resources to buy a new dishwasher, especially a Stainless steel model.  So, there’s this new way for people living on a budget, to get the Stainless steel appearance and it looks good for pictures.

However,  the edges of that product don’t stick very well to the edges of the dishwasher door.  We reset it several times and complained how sucky the stuff was, but in the end, we got all the bubbles out and my hubby put in some pieces of cardboard between the door and cupboard cabinets to HOLD it in place while drying.  Except, the very next morning… was photography day, so they removed the cardboard…and guess what, some of it “lifted” and apparently got a bubble or two.

NOW… unless you are looking to inspect the dishwasher, there’s no way you would even notice!  We didn’t, Jenean (the realtor) didn’t, her assistant (David) didn’t… pictures were taken and you can’t even notice…until Harvey pointed it out.  This is a product Jenean and David told us to purchase.  Now all of a sudden, it’s like Harvey was told or found our receipt of purchase to make him go over and look closely, inspect and find fault:

“Ohhhh.  There are bubbles.  Jenean.”  (What?  Oh, that’s not good.)

However, because she could tell NOW was not the time, they didn’t go over it with us.  I knew something was brewing.  I knew there was a “higher” purpose to their early visit.

So, then Harvey makes a couple more comments

“The laundry floor tiles are too pink.”

…and I ignored… and inquired of this “military guy’s” ETA.  Jenean obviously had forgotten…she never forgets anything.  Odd.

So,THEN she states, “Oh, I guess he isn’t going to make it… you may want to hang out until 5:30 to see and allow him in, should he show.  Harvey, I’ll meet you at your house and we’ll hit Home Depot.”

At this point, my hubby and I realize this was all a ruse to get into our  house early, see where we were, and allow this Harvey guy to look things over… and focus on the dish washer.  Because Jenean’s type A personality, would never allow us to show a prospective buyer our place, alone, without her present, especially if he was supposed to show in 10 minutes.

So, they leave.  Meanwhile, it’s 5:25 and we’re starving.  So, we sit in our drive way, waiting for a guy we pretty much figure isn’t going to show, probably doesn’t exist…but just in case…  We waited until 5:45…then headed to dinner.

We felt pretty good sitting at dinner, because Bill had a good phone interview earlier that day, with promise he’ll have a second phone interview when manager returns from vacation.

We decided to run over to Target and grab a new Welcome Mat.  Just as we walked into Target, the phone begins ringing and it’s Jenean… what now?  I knew it…  The answer is NO.

…to be continued.

 

 

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8 thoughts on “Welcome…Queer Eye for Interior Design Guy

  1. Sandi, this is your best work of fiction yet, and we still haven’t met that GI Joe character! Well, this is definitely going to hit The New York Times Best Seller list, let me tell you. And your Jenean character; she’s so well written—there has never was a better villain in a piece—you’d never know such people don’t really exist in real life. If they did, no home owner would ever get a moments peace—and we all know that’s not true—homeowners only go out to dinner and write books. Thank goodness you didn’t have to go through any of this in real life, though—you’d go mad! And where in the world did you find that guy to pose as Harvey the International man of mystery of the real estate world. I can picture actor Cary Ewes playing him in the movie version. He’s perfect! Just as I imagined him. This novel is pure genius. I just wish my imagination was as fertile as yours, I never can come up with such original characters. have you come up with a title yet? May I recommend, “The Gingerbread House Hidden in the Forest Hills.” I think Double-Day press would just eat that up. 😀

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  2. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! Why are you tormenting me? WHY won’t you just finish this and/or put me out of my misery! I need to know what the heck Harvey was doing there and what about the invisible gi joe? dang it all…I hate waiting! lol

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