Tools or utensils?

Where my grrrs at?  Today’s question to hammer out:

Do you refer to silverware as tools or utensils?

First and most importantly, today is my son’s 12th birthday.  (Holla!)  Dad created a fun sign with Legos.  It would have taken me a million years to get letters to form correctly using those things.  Let’s just say, The heart would not have resembled a heart.  Good thing dad was on the case and finished last night before bed.  I would have never finished the word “birthday” entirely, either.  I assure you it would have been “bday.”  Happy bad day.

0 - bday - Copy

I, of course, woke at the crack of dawn to quickly run out and get milk, eggs, and strawberries (my son was upset yesterday because we didn’t have any- you know how we love to grocery shop in this family), and had hit the ATM to withdraw money because the donut shop only takes cash, and get a 1/2 dozen donuts because my son has been craving them for months…to arrive home before the kiddos got up- and they always get up early.  Luckily, everyone was still nestled in their beds.  Whew.  Already sweating at 6:45.

Set up shop, got the coffee brewing, made a quick breakfast of scrambled eggs and cut strawberries, to which the children complained, because all they wanted were the donuts.  Nourishment first!  That means you too, dad.

Finally, breakfast was completed.  I say the word “finally” because the kids take forever and a day to eat!  (I don’t like eggs.. Well, you’d like them more if you ate them while hot and not wait 30 min.  I agree ,cold scrambled eggs are gross.  Guess you better microwave it)  – so finally we were done!

My son was salivating at breaking into the incredibly large, over-sized, cinnamon roll that the donut shop makes.  It’s a HUGE donut made to be like a cinnamon roll.  Bigger than a bear claw.  Normally, we force him to share with everyone, and by that, I mean mom cuts it up into equal parts.  We’ve learned with him, he’ll break off the teeniest-tiniest section to offer someone.  boy with knife and fork in handHere’s a speck for you!  Sorry it’s kinda mushed.

So, no sharing.  Today’s your birthday.  Enjoy it all.  However, due to the monstrous size, and incredible stickiness, it is much easier to eat with utensils.   Birthday Boy goes to the drawer, pulls out silverware, turns and has a fork in his right hand, a butter knife in the other, holds them like he’s getting ready to feast, and announces:

“I have my TOOLS.”

as in BEHOLD the tools, and light shines off the silverware blinding me.  I started laughing and he has no idea why.  He wasn’t trying to be funny.  I suppose the reason why this hit me as particularly humorous, is that this boy cannot (for the life of him) sit normally in a chair.  Part of it is due to his DCD (Developmental Coordination Disorder) and part of it is being a boy.  Typically, he will be sitting on his knees and shins.  Then only his left knee/shin, while the right foot will be planted on the seat of the chair, squatting, knee up to his chest.  He’ll lean over his food like someone who has been in prison.  He is always in some sort of state that I’m forever forcing him to sit on his bottom teasing him he looks like Smiegle, from Lord of the Rings.  Seconds later, he’s back to some other crazy huddled state, usually forgoing utensils altogether and using his fingers to pick at his food.  He eats like a caveman, so I guess a fork and knife are his tools.

In the background they are playing the movie Open Season 3, and Iggy Pop’s Wild Child was playing.  I thought, how appropriate. 🙂

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9 thoughts on “Tools or utensils?

    1. So, half was saved and he took off with dad to hit some golf balls. The next morning he went looking to finish it and had a COW. Dad apparently, took a very tiny piece and the sister witnessed said event and blabbed. My 12 year old actually pouted! He was mad for like 30 minutes carrying about his donut. (and there not being anymore other donuts to add to his quarter of cinnamon roll) I was ready to take what he had and toss it in the trash.

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    1. Yes- I swear. That’s exactly who he reminds me of… in a non-decaying body, of course. Every day, every meal and homework… please sit on your bottom. Sit down… sit down…put your feet down… your ass goes on the seat, both butt cheeks down… it doesn’t seem to bother my husband. Pretty soon my kid is going to be making caving man noises, or slurring “my precious”

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    2. Or slurring “My Precious” For some reason, Sandi, all I could see after reading that, was Sheldon Cooper looking in the mirror and saying that line from an episode of The Big Bang Theory. Still laughing…nice one! 😀

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