The perils of water

My 11-year-old son is so particular when it comes to water.  A half empty water bottle that you KNOW is his, he will claim it’s not his.  It’s someone else’s in our home, and he will pretty much die before he gets someone else’s germs.  Especially his sister’s or mom’s.

In the past, I have given him water and insisted he drink it (knowing full-well the bottle was his) and he claimed I got hair in it and he was choking on the hair.  It was stuck in his throat  (WTH?)  Another time, it was, “Well, it could be poisoned…I’m just sayin’.”

Yes.  Son.  I went through pregnancy and birth just to “off” you later at 10/11 years old.  Which, at that point, I was ready to about kill the kid.

Where this irrational fear has stemmed, I dunno… all I know is now we have to take a black marker and write his initials on it to PROOVE it is his bottle on another day.  We have all these damn half bottles, 3/4 finished, etc. all around our place and on the floor because instead of figuring out which is theirs, they open a new bottle.  I feel like we are trying to warrant off an Alien invasion similar to that movie “signs” where Mel Gibson’s daughter keeps leaving glasses of water around the house.

NOW… it’s water canisters my son has taken issue to…

I gave him his water canister for school. A blue metal one that you have to suck through a straw. Both kids typically like this container for camping and they like their squirt bottle for sports. However, like all canisters, sometimes the straw/plastic has a bit of a taste.  Especially on a hot day.

The latest scenario for school the other day, my son “out-of-the-blue” gasps when he sees the metal container,

Uh! That container?”

I inquired what was now wrong with a container that he liked in the past, and just used yesterday afternoon. However, we had other options, so I offered him the Gatorade squirt bottle he uses for sports.  My question was answered with silence, and then muttering.  I repeated my question, and instead of answering, he asks me about the metal container.

“Did you rinse it out and air it?”  (Yes, I did.)

“But, I didn’t drink the water yesterday…did you air it out and put fresh water into it?” (Yes.  I cleaned it. Would you prefer the other one?)

He then yells NO to all of them. 

“By the time I get to school, the water is disgusting in those containers!”

At this point, I’m exasperated because he has PE that day and needs water.  They don’t like the disposable bottles because they “crinkle” too much- noise is distracting in the classroom.  Therefore, it has to be a canister/sports bottle.  And basically, I told him, to rinse out his own bottle daily after school, with hot water, and place all the pieces in the dish rack to dry. (there might have been a curse or two added for emphasis)  Dad steps in to diffuse the ticking mom-bomb, and indicates to his boy, it’s “just water” and that he can’t be overly particular to the taste.  It’s not going to be perfect.

Not quite ready to let the argument go, my son takes an alternate route.  And accuses me of some other dastardly deed.

“Oh, you put SALT water in it.”

Yes, that’s right. I run out to the ocean and bottle it just for you.  To which Dad exclaimed BEHOLD… “the reason for funny taste, Octopus slime!”

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15 thoughts on “The perils of water

  1. Ugh! We’ve got those half-empty water bottles all over the house too, because it’s apparently impossible for some people to just drink one whole bottle in one damn sitting.

    Your son does have a valid point- isn’t it perfectly rational to assume that an unattended bottle is fair game for poisoning? By one’s own family? But of course! 😀

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  2. Sandi, I always knew you were one of those moms. And when I say one of those moms, I mean one of those moms who would put octopus slime in your sons water bottle. Then when the husband asserts that you put the octopus slime in the water bottle—which by the way, I’ve caught my own wife doing…at least…uh…50 times, yeah, yeah 50 times!— then you go write a blog about it suggesting your innocence! Okay, so my wife hasn’t quite gotten around to writing a blog proclaiming her innocence…yet. But, if she see’s this post she’ll start getting ideas and then change her modus operandi, then we’ll never catch her! Oh you wives are clever, using clear octopus slime instead of the usual green goo. It’s diabolical I tell you!

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    1. Octopus slime. Sounds like Optimus Prime, which by the way, he told me to. It adds muscle and hair to the chest, and makes him a super Ninja. (that was the secret ingredient) – don’t share that knowledge with anyone else! We can’t have everyone being super ninjas.

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    2. You’ll de-super them for me! I’m so glad I have you on retainer. Contract killers are so hard to find these days. Especially when all I can offer them is minimum wage. But, I make up for that with an outstanding recommendation. 😀

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  3. Kinda reminds me of the coffee cup I never washed at work. I retired a year ago and last week it showed up at my side door. It’s was hundred miles trek and the little fella was exhausted.

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  4. THAT was what was rustling your driveway leaves and crunching gravel…not the cats. The exhausted coffee cup, gasping, and on its last legs.

    You know, we clean and air out those thermos’ daily. It doesn’t matter, there will always be some “slight” taste that is not perfect. Our son is a pain on stuff like that. Oh, the tag on the shirt (cut out- now we buy tagless shirts). Jeans feel uncomfortable, now he wears shorts all the time. I don’t know what he is going to do when we move and actually have winter.

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    1. Actually, our tap water tastes really good. It doesn’t taste metallic from the piping. That is what’s in the canister… it’s the plastic from the straw (on the metal container) or the plastic of the squeeze bottle after it sits a few hours before lunch after water has warmed. (Or not ice water any longer)

      My husband works in pumps and sells to water/waste water treatment facilities. (Municipalities) and the regulations and how clean the water must be before it comes to our home, the regulations are very strict… the bottled water companies not so much. You have no idea what they are bottling or just how (clean) it really is..

      The kids aren’t allowed to take the packaged water bottles to class anymore because the plastic is so cheaply made/thin it makes too much crinkly noise each time someone drinks and class is distracted. Teachers ban them. 🙂

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