I’m sorry, but your home is repulsive

Halloween Themed PostHave you ever walked into a home and had an immediate aversion to being there?

We’re considering moving and are looking at photos of homes for sale online.

houses- various grains of wood in kitchen 2

I wonder if some builders intent was to make people vomit.  Simply walking into these designs that have varying type of grains.  I’m dizzy looking at photos of the house.  I would run out screaming… “OMG, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!” … or stumble out because I’d be so dizzy and probably end up eating pavement and breaking my teeth in the process.  Seriously, the kitchen!  Different grains on the flooring, the cabinets, the bar, the countertop marble, the “brick” like wall.  This is not a section you want to be wielding a knife and chopping things.  I can see a finger (or hand) getting amputated and adding blood to the décor.  “OMG, I severed my hand!  Call 911… I can’t find the phone…it’s hidden in the décor somewhere!”

houses- chalk art wall

Then you have the overly-creative type.  A chalk board WALL kinda-awesome, for going over math homework.  However, this scary reality would be more likely…my son (soon to be a teenager) and his buddies would have a grand time.  Upon entering the door, there would be a big, fat penis to greet us.  (Shit, my husband would probably be the culprit.  Let’s play ‘dirty’ Pictionary, honey.)  Not to mention, you’ll be choking on chalk dust.  Choking on ‘penis’ chalk dust does not generate warm, fuzzy feelings…more like a squeamish tummy.  Then my son’s punishment would be writing, “I will  not draw penises on the wall.” 20 times.

houses- black and white kitchen

In instances like this, I’m left wondering, do you really want to sell your house?  For some reason, I keep hearing “Hi, Welcome to Shakey’s.  Can I take your pizza order?”  Let’s make a pizza!  I don’t know why, I think it reminds me of the décor inside an old Shakey’s restaurant.  With lamps, cups, and hats like these.  I think I would have nightmares of a giant Shakey Chef chasing me.  “You can run, but you can’t hide, little lady.  I’m going to break you into itty-bitty pieces.  Sprinkle them on a pizza so others can eat you!”


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10 thoughts on “I’m sorry, but your home is repulsive

  1. I don’t know what to say, seeing as I have a cluttered attic. All the above rooms might work in my attic, but not in our house, especially if my wife had anything to say about it—AND SHE WOULD! Now, about that chalk wall—that might work up there.

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  2. You have to wonder about some people’s taste. I helped take photos of a home for sale one time, and there was an overflowing garbage right in the smack middle of the kitchen. I mean, you’re selling your home, and you know a photographer is coming, and yet you leave out something like that? That’s how you want your home represented to the public?

    Another homeowner called and screamed at me about all the clutter that appeared in his home’s photographs. “Um,” I said. “It’s YOUR clutter. I just took photos of the home as-is.” But he was livid about the photos, and we had to go back to retake them — once he removed all the clutter.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, that was the strangest apology I’ve ever had to give: “I’m so sorry for photographing your disgusting clutter-filled hovel, sir. I would have tried to Photoshop out the rubble … but then there would have been nothing left.”

      Liked by 1 person

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