This is one subject, that I honestly, would like to hear various women’s input, but also the input from males and their thoughts about their spouses or significant others. (please, keep it clean)
The Woman’s orgasm:
- Women: does your man ensure you have climaxed? Is it every time or often?
- Men: Do you put forth the effort to ensure your woman is pleased- does she have her release, as well? Every time? Or do you not really care?
My history and why I’m asking this question:
In my early 20’s, when I had my first serious boyfriend, we eventually moved in together… I thought This great big O everyone spoke of, was a myth. Seriously. I thought, what’s the big deal. Maybe I had had one before, but just didn’t realize? A friend laughed at me, and said, no…you would know if you had one. I was disappointed, left wondering, but too shy to inquire of my then significant other.
When that relationship deteriorated beyond repair, and I left, I was damaged. He had emotionally abused me and always told me I was fat (I was a size 5) and basically stopped having intercourse with me or very rarely. I dated him from the time I was 21-25. I should have had good lovin’ every night! Since he was 6 years older than I, we should have been exploring and relaying information from his experience. However, we were never intimate emotionally. Sex was just a physical act. Of course, later I realized, he couldn’t ensure I was happy because he was a selfish man in anything and everything he did. It was all about him. Why should it be different in the bedroom?
So I left. At that time, I worked with a handsome man who was about 6 years older than I, who was going through a divorce. He was married for 10 years and had a couple of kids. We were each other’s rebound. He was surprised to learn I had never experienced the true nature of physical intimacy. It was so difficult to RELAX, and let him explore my body. As a woman, I felt it was my job to ensure the man was happy. He didn’t have to “do anything.” Besides, I was worried over my female area- I didn’t wax, but was clean… but still worried about fragrance and just generally embarrassed. He refused to be deterred. He made it his mission for me to be more and more comfortable with him each time. Finally, it happened. IT WAS AMAZING.
A myriad of feelings over-whelmed me. Outside of my body feeling fantastic, I felt affectionate and grateful toward my rebound guy, and angry at my ex-boyfriend at the same time for holding out on me. I was glad someone wanted to teach me that both a man and a woman should share in the joy of sex. I vowed to never get the short-end of the stick again.
As the years went by, and my rebound long behind me, I began taking control over my body and ensuring to verbalize and tell my partner what I desired, what felt good, what didn’t. I didn’t have an orgasm every sexual encounter, but I was certainly on the way to being comfortable with myself.
THEN, I met my future husband. In all the time we’ve been together, I can count just 2 (maybe 3) times I was left wanting. I either was not in the mood, too tired, too sick, too worried, too drunk..too something that made it impossible for me to find release. However, my husband always made up for it later. Seriously, we’ve been together for 16 years now. We don’t have sex as much as he’d liked, but when we do…he always ensures I’m satisfied before he is done. Over the years, we’ve just gotten better with our communication, tried new things, laughed. It’s wonderful.
Here’s why I’m posting. I remember what it was like to not experience regular climaxes or being so comfortable with another in our nakedness. However, with time and experience, I have grown. (and of course, the right man made that easier.) Therefore, I don’t understand when I talk to another woman, who’s my age and similar life, and they indicate they have not yet reached that level of intimacy with their mate? “Ohh, that’s okay. I don’t really need it. I enjoy it enough.” That’s because you HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED IT! Trust me. I used to say that until it happened. And the more you have them, the more you want.
When Bill and I had been together for 7 years (we already had 2 kids by this point) I went to bunco with the girls one night. We had drinks and the girls began to talk. One gal, I was closer friends with and worked with her husband. We got to talking about sex. Nothing too graphic, but I made it known I was a very satisfied woman. She inquired how I did it?
What do you mean, how do I do it? As in self-manipulation, toys? She indicated that most of the other moms did that. She had never really had one and was married with two kids herself. WHAT? I indicated that oral was the best method. She was disappointed and indicated that her hubby refused to do that, but expected her to perform. WTF? You can’t imagine how difficult it was for me not to smack her husband upside the head and say “What’s wrong with you not pleasing your woman, fool?” And then to find out, most of those beautiful women at Bunco (and they were pretty) were basically unsatisfied and had to find ways to get their release on their own or simply didn’t have them. I went home that night and THANKED my husband. yeah, I was a sure thing that evening. He told me I could go to Bunco every night.
Men- really? My hubby can’t possibly be the only one that is determined his spouse is happy before he is- surely there are others out there? The next time you get busy, please your woman! That is your mission every time you want nookie…gotta eat a cookie (first.) Okay? It’s your mantra. Makes nicer mommies.
Women- if you aren’t experiencing the BIG O… as in OH MY GOD that felt fucking awesome…then start demanding it from your man. If he wants something from you, you want something from him. It’s reciprocal. Serious. And if your man is attempting to make an effort, damn-it relax, and let him! It makes nicer mommies! Watch the video of Something’s Gotta Give with Diane Keaton. She’s so funny, in the love scene with Jack Nicholson and experiencing an orgasm in her 50s./60’s for the first time.
Okay, so now everyone has their homework. Deadline is Tuesday morning or evening. Let the oooing and ahhing begin. Just think, there will be less road rage and crazy people in general if everyone is getting off. 🙂