The BIG Ooooo

This is one subject, that I honestly, would like to hear various women’s input, but also the input from males and their thoughts about their spouses or significant others.  (please, keep it clean)

The Woman’s orgasm:

  • Women:  does your man ensure you have climaxed?  Is it every time or often?
  • Men:  Do you put forth the effort to ensure your woman is pleased- does she have her release, as well?   Every time? Or do you not really care?

My history and why I’m asking this question:

In my early 20’s, when I had my first serious boyfriend, we eventually moved in together… I thought This great big O everyone spoke of, was a myth.  Seriously.  I thought, what’s the big deal.  Maybe I had had one before, but just didn’t realize?  A friend laughed at me, and said, no…you would know if you had one.  I was disappointed, left wondering, but too shy to inquire of my then significant other.

When that relationship deteriorated beyond repair, and I left,  I was damaged.  He had emotionally abused me and always told me I was fat (I was a size 5) and basically stopped having intercourse with me or very rarely.  I dated him from the time I was 21-25.  I should have had good lovin’ every night!  Since he was 6 years older than I, we should have been exploring and relaying information from his experience.  However, we were never intimate emotionally.  Sex was just a physical act.  Of course, later I realized, he couldn’t ensure I was happy because he was a selfish man in anything and everything he did.  It was all about him.  Why should it be different in the bedroom?

So I left.  At that time, I worked with a handsome man who was about 6 years older than I, who was going through a divorce.  He was married for 10 years and had a couple of kids.  We were each other’s rebound.  He was surprised to learn I had never experienced the true nature of physical intimacy.  It was so difficult to RELAX, and let him explore my body.  As a woman, I felt it was my job to ensure the man was happy.  He didn’t have to “do anything.”  Besides, I was worried over my female area- I didn’t wax, but was clean… but still worried about fragrance and just generally embarrassed.  He refused to be deterred.  He made it his mission for me to be more and more comfortable with him each time.  Finally, it happened.  IT WAS AMAZING.

A myriad of feelings over-whelmed me.  Outside of my body feeling fantastic, I felt affectionate and grateful toward my rebound guy, and angry at my ex-boyfriend at the same time for holding out on me.  I was glad someone wanted to teach me that both a man and a woman should share in the joy of sex.  I vowed to never get the short-end of the stick again.

As the years went by, and my rebound long behind me, I began taking control over my body and ensuring to verbalize and tell my partner what I desired, what felt good, what didn’t.  I didn’t have an orgasm every sexual encounter, but I was certainly on the way to being comfortable with myself.

THEN, I met my future husband.  In all the time we’ve been together, I can count just 2 (maybe 3) times I was left wanting.  I either was not in the mood, too tired, too sick, too worried, too drunk..too something that made it impossible for me to find release.  However, my husband always made up for it later.  Seriously, we’ve been together for 16 years now.  We don’t have sex as much as he’d liked, but when we do…he always ensures I’m satisfied before he is done.  Over the years, we’ve just gotten better with our communication, tried new things, laughed.  It’s wonderful.

Here’s why I’m posting.  I remember what it was like to not experience regular climaxes or being so comfortable with another in our nakedness.  However, with time and experience, I have grown. (and of course, the right man made that easier.)  Therefore,  I don’t understand when I talk to another woman, who’s my age and similar life, and they indicate they have not yet reached that level of intimacy with their mate? “Ohh, that’s okay.  I don’t really need it.  I enjoy it enough.”  That’s because you HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED IT!  Trust me.  I used to say that until it happened.  And the more you have them, the more you want.

When Bill and I had been together for 7 years (we already had 2 kids by this point) I went to bunco with the girls one night.  We had drinks and the girls began to talk.  One gal, I was closer friends with and worked with her husband.  We got to talking about sex.  Nothing too graphic, but I made it known I was a very satisfied woman.  She inquired how I did it?

What do you mean, how do I do it?  As in self-manipulation, toys?  She indicated that most of the other moms did that.  She had never really had one and was married with two kids herself.  WHAT?  I indicated that oral was the best method.  She was disappointed and indicated that her hubby refused to do that, but expected her to perform.  WTF?  You can’t imagine how difficult it was for me not to smack her husband upside the head and say “What’s wrong with you not pleasing your woman, fool?”  And then to find out, most of those beautiful women at Bunco (and they were pretty) were basically unsatisfied and had to find ways to get their release on their own or simply didn’t have them.  I went home that night and THANKED my husband.  yeah, I was a sure thing that evening.  He told me I could go to Bunco every night.

Men- really?  My hubby can’t possibly be the only one that is determined his spouse is happy before he is-  surely there are others out there?  The next time you get busy, please your woman!  That is your mission every time you want nookie…gotta eat a cookie (first.)  Okay?  It’s  your mantra.  Makes nicer mommies.

Women- if you aren’t experiencing the BIG O… as in OH MY GOD that felt fucking awesome…then start demanding it from your man.  If he wants something from you, you want something from him.  It’s reciprocal.   Serious.  And if your man is attempting to make an effort,  damn-it relax, and let him!  It makes nicer mommies!  Watch the video of Something’s Gotta Give with Diane Keaton.  She’s so funny, in the love scene with Jack Nicholson and experiencing an orgasm in her 50s./60’s for the first time.

Okay, so now everyone has their homework.  Deadline is Tuesday morning or evening.  Let the oooing and ahhing begin.  Just think, there will be less road rage and crazy people in general if everyone is getting off. 🙂

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18 thoughts on “The BIG Ooooo

  1. My wife and I have been married 22 years and there have been times she has not climaxed. There have also been times I haven’t. Both are very rare but life happens. I don’t understand guys who don’t try to get their partners to climax. My orgasm feels wonderful, getting her there makes me feel like a god.

    My wife has often come home from after talking with the girls and thanked me. Like you, she knows a lot of women with husbands that put in no effort, to the point she’s jokingly offered to rent me out.

    What I would like to point out, though, is that this isn’t always the guy’s fault. A lot of these women fake orgasm. That’s just teaching him bad habits. Some of these men are still convinced they please their wives and it’s not their fault they don’t know.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a great point you make about the “faking.” If they are, yes, then that isn’t sending a clear message. And those partners are making an effort.

      Maybe the gal just doesn’t feel comfortable expressing herself or fears saying something that might shake the other’s confidence? If they don’t make an effort themselves, then… they will go on as they are none the wiser. You can’t miss what you don’t have…I guess… but I know I was always curious and jealous of others.

      I suppose mainly, I’m more questioning those individuals that don’t want to spend any sort of time on their significant other. It’s basically a self-serving/get ‘er done attitude. (not to state, we all haven’t had our days where we are more tired than others, where we don’t dilly-dally) but on a regular basis.

      I made a comment earlier that one girl would schedule her night and take a bath, shave, and get all gussied for her hubby. My thought was, did he do anything special to “primp” himself or just show up home from work…maybe a quick shower? Was he making as much of an effort? I wish I could ask her.

      AND, rent you out! Hahahah, I actually joked with my husband… you need to show them what they are missing… but wait, I wouldn’t ever get you back!

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  2. Wow, I haven’t been on WP for months and come back to find this. In our case yes I always deliver and so does my wife and occasionally we manage the fireworks at the same time! I don’t get guys that aren’t interested in pleasing their spouse and frankly find that a little hard to believe. But rumor has it they’re out there. But seriously, what’s hotter than a turned on and climaxing female. Yowzers!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right? I’ve talked to gals, where sadly, this truly does exist. Their mate is too busy working, traveling for work, etc. They have established a routine early on in their marriage/relationship, where not a lot of effort is expended? And the woman, just accepts it or doesn’t know how to go about expressing herself or fear they will make their partner embarrassed…where machismo takes over… I know what I’m doing. (sort of thing?)

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  3. hmmm wonder what sparked this idea lol. My hubby is very good about making sure I am a “happy girl” and if I am just not in the mood to “get there” I let it be known cause there’s no point if I just know it’s not going to be obtained. Great post!

    Like

    1. Actually, when I went to that bunco night years ago, and had my first blog, I wanted to post it then… but too many people I knew personally read it at the time, and it was linked to my Facebook. It was too risky that someone would know to whom I was referring. I kind of held it off, your post just reminded me and now I have a new blog that no one is aware an doesn’t link to my facebook. So, there you go!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I can’t imagine your wife wanting for anything. She must have so much fun with you! One thing I love about my relationship with my husband, we can laugh behind closed doors. Stuff happens. There have been times, we have to stop because we are laughing so hard. It’s the best and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I can imagine it’s the same for you guys. I would hope others find that compatibility with their partner, as well.

    My husband is out of town, when he calls I’m gonna sing “I can’t get me no… satis faction.” But it would be DEVO style. And he will laugh and join in… but I try, and I try, and I try-tr-try-try…try try. No No No, uh, hey, hey, hey.

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  5. My wife’s ultimate satisfaction is paramount to me, because it usually means I don’t have to go around singing The Rolling Stones tune… (I don’t get no) satisfaction—this also saves my wife’s and everyone else’s ears too. She used to refer to me as her red hot little monster, but that was then, this is now. See, she had brown hair, but now she has streaks of grey, especially after she sings… “Oh sweet mystery of life at last I’ve found you! after the deed. Someday, after the deed she might go all grey. Until then, I know I have. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but this is probably a more relatable subject then most people and pop culture would have you believe or want to admit. My wife and I have been together 20+ years with four beautiful daughters.

    In all this time though, I still don’t think we have ever gotten there. We have tried everything and I do mean everything over the years. Some just like to say your not doing it right. It has been 20+ years since I was with someone else but never was it this hard that I can remember. Of all the things we have tried there have been attempts at communication to find out what feels best and what is liked most but with very little feedback. She either doesn’t seem to know or is too embarrassed to say.

    The men can try, but we are not mind readers. We need to know what you like. Everyone is different and the most sure fire things for some or even most, well they don’t seem to work for everyone.

    Friends have said she is probably getting what she needs elsewhere. Some years I have wondered but I just don’t believe it. Others have expressed similar experiences. She has said it’s just not as important to women or is just not sure what she likes. She has always been willing to do anything to take care of me, but it’s hard for me when I don’t seem to be able to reciprocate. Call it ego maybe, but I do want her to experience what she gives me.

    The ladies who read this blog and say yeah this is me, if you want it, communicate. If you do communicate and he doesn’t try it’s on him. If you don’t communicate then it’s on you. You need to let your partner know what you like man or woman.

    For all the non communicators out there, next time try to tell your partner exactly what you want. Once they know, they will probably enjoy it and do it again and again for you. Guess what, if you get past the initial uncomfortable part of talking about it, you will probably start to enjoy yourself more. That is of course as long as your partner listens.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First of all- don’t be embarrassed! Thank you for giving us an honest response. It’s wonderful feedback, and I have found myself there! I’ve been on both sides of the fence and I was the one that was too embarrassed to start verbalizing my needs. It took me a while to get there. So, believe me I understand. I was fortunate enough that I had a partner who really cared.

      I agree, communication is KEY. It’s a matter of expressing oneself without embarrassment. And everyone is different in what is a turn on for them. If there seems to be some resistance…Try alcohol. NO LIE. A glass of wine, a mixed drink, beer (not too much) but I found I was more willing to talk and try new things. (hahahaha) – When My hubby breaks out the glasses and inquires if I’d like wine, I’m suspicious. 🙂 But, also excited!

      You know, I don’t believe in the philosophy, automatically assume they are getting it elsewhere. Speaking from my experience, when I never had climaxes, I was none the wiser. I really didn’t think they were big deals because I enjoyed the physical act of sex. I always secretly wondered about these amazing sexual escapades you’d hear stories from people. I always believed they embellished a bit. 🙂 So, I understand where your wife is coming from… we have to believe that or there’s too much pressure for that end result and it will NEVER happen. And then we feel like something is wrong with us.

      Time of day was a factor for me. I’m not a night owl. By the time I’ve worked, dealt with our (2) kids, dealt with homework, dinner, dishes/laundry, sports practices, mid-week games, nighttime routines, walking the dog… I’d sit down at 8:30 and watch a little mindless t.v. and instantaneously fall asleep within minutes. I always tell my hubby, you waited too late. You can’t come in bed at 11:30 at night and expect I want to participate in any act other than sleeping or watching 15 minutes of whatever. People have been wanting things from me ALL DAY. So, now, he knows…if he wants to have intimate time, he needs to get his rear end into our room pretty quickly after the kids and dog have been taken care of…

      On the note of time, I was personally always worried about how long it was taking me to reach orgasm. Because, a climax isn’t immediate, sometimes it takes a while. I found when I worried about his fingers/tongue getting cramps, or him becoming aggravated… we’d just take a break or changed positions. That could be an issue, because if she’s worried about that… she will never be able to let go and just feel. This was a HUGE obstacle for me. I never gave it time. Oh, that’s okay, don’t worry about me. I was fortunate enough to have someone say…no, you’re gonna lay there and enjoy. No matter how long it takes. And, my husband told me to not think about chores. That was another issue I had. Multi-tasking brain. And, I had to take over the rhythm of things. Otherwise, things would be moving along, and he’d change the rhythm and bam- the feeling was gone!

      Some of the other moms told me, they actually “schedule” sex night. They put it on the calendar (no lie) and they take a bath, shave their legs, put on pretty lotion to get in the mood and dress nicely. Sometimes they have grandma watch the younger kids. It worked for them. It put them in the right frame of mind. Scheduled sex isn’t something that works for me and my hubs, it takes away the spontaneity and becomes more of a routine for us? but for some people it works! That might be something to consider?

      Anyway, great feed back! Thank you for sharing. Cheers to you and your spouse!

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  7. This is a FANTASTIC post Sandi! My hubby always delivers. We’ve been together 14 years now. I came into the relationship with a lot more experience under my belt (pun intended) and he was more than happy to let me take the reins and teach him many new tricks. I’ve always been confounded by people who are thinking they are “content” going unsatisfied in the bedroom. Sex is KEY in having a healthy, happy, lasting relationship. If you’re not getting it at home, you’re eventually going to seek it elsewhere. I really believe that it’s a huge part in why the divorce rate is so high. People need to be more aware of their own needs, as well as their partner’s needs and they need to make a mutual effort to ensure there is satisfaction on both ends! It takes two to tango, and why bother to dance alone? Where’s the fun in that?
    I too, have done my fair share in educating my girlfriends, some of which are much older and some are younger, in the joys of receiving an orgasm. I haven’t done it in a hands on manner, but I’ve done a lot of explaining and given homework assignments, so to speak.
    I applaud you in talking about something that so many people consider taboo, when the fact is, we’re all doing it, or should be, and it should NOT be considered an off limits topic!
    Love ya babe! 😘 💋 ❤

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    1. I couldn’t imagine your hubby not delivering. You’d smack him on the head with a newspaper! Get over here, buddy. Hahahah 🙂

      As years move on, it’s definitely important a woman becomes comfortable with her body and partner enough so they can express themselves (each) and both parties listen and try. Especially if you’ve been married for years and there’s a chance the love life has become somewhat stale?

      If anyone is too scared or doesn’t feel like they are heard, there is a possibility of some individuals finding it outside of the relationship. I don’t necessarily agree this is the case all the time. In fact, I thinks it’s a smaller percentage than we think. Most individuals would never in a million years consider cheating. They would just opt out and figure that was life. Some parties, just don’t know any differently, only because I was that individual for the longest time. I was clueless and enjoyed the act enough on it’s own, that I didn’t expect much more than that. Until someone changed that for me. So, in some instances, if you’ve never had it, you don’t miss it. It’s just a shame. I think being completely vulnerable while naked, expressing ones true desires, brings a couple closer resulting in true intimacy. Before I could express myself, there was always a part I was hiding and thinking in my brain, I wish he would do this. I wish he would do that. Oh, shit, just hurry-up already, I’ve got things to do. Vs. omg that feels good, keep doing that. Don’t stop. And no f’in caring how long it takes to reach the summit. 🙂 hahahah

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I agree! I do sadly know several couples who’ve split up because of their dissatisfaction in the boudoir. Instead of communication and working out what needs to change, they stray from their partner and sell themselves short… seeking gratification outside of their committed relationships. It’s heartbreaking to witness. Then there are the blatant assholes, and don’t get me started on those!
      I’m lucky in that I have a hubby who likes to see me satisfied, and he knows full well that if he doesn’t do his part then I’ll give him an ass whupppin’ he won’t soon forget lol! I’m always generous in bed, and I expect the favor to be returned! If he comes first, he better DAMN well make sure I’m happy before he gets to drift off to sleep! Even if I have to shake him awake! 😛

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    3. Sadly, on most marriage break ups, it’s already falling apart elsewhere before the bedroom. I’ve known couples that, that was the only place they got along. Everything else was disastrous.

      Oh, yeah, those blatant assholes, they do exist. Both male and female. I had a girlfriend like that too. She was at the tail end of her marriage. She used me as her excuse and I couldn’t keep up with her lies and I screwed something up, said the wrong thing or didn’t reply correctly – unbeknownst to me. Just couldn’t keep up with how many guys she was dating at one time, while still being married! I finally got mad at her and stopped hanging out with her. I felt like I was the one doing the wrong thing and juggling act. ugh.

      Hahahahah. Shakey-shakey, wakey-wakey… oh, F that. SMACK. WAKE UP. Dude, you got some business. Get busy. Hahahaha. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    4. Ugh that’s the worst! I refuse to play monkey in the middle…
      And I agree, it often does break down elsewhere in a marriage other than solely in the bedroom.

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  8. Well said, George. My husband explained it the same way. He could not understand why he wouldn’t want that. It pleases him to see me happy. It boosts his confidence and gets him excited. He too, in the past, was with a woman that had been married prior, that had never experienced true satisfaction and after 10 years divorced… she felt the same with him as I had with my rebound guy. Amazed, grateful, pleased, and ANGRY at the partner she had prior. (she married young and had no idea and he never bothered.)

    I’ve been wanting to write this post a long time. We women don’t speak on this topic often, but occasionally the subject will come up. It always surprises me to learn there are more women, beautiful, striking women that aren’t experiencing everything. And are okay with it because they don’t know how wonderful a climax is… “oh, a bigger deal is made of it than necessary.”

    That’s what I used to say because I didn’t know what it could be like. For the woman, to be able to completely let go is a sign of true 100% intimacy. She has to trust her partner completely, to be uninhibited and feel confident. Not embarrassed or shy or too tired. That’s how I see it and I’ve experienced both sides of this. I hope I can reach out to 1 woman, and help her see to not accept anything less than what she deserves. She deserves a full release just like her partner.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. We don’t live in prudent times. This isn’t the early or mid part of last century when these topics were off limits or women were “expected” to perform certain duties around the house and behave a certain way. So the bigger question for me is why? Why would a woman remain in a one sided relationship. As you examined your past, those types of one sided relationships extend beyond the bedroom. With everything that’s out there and all the information available, why would anyone not expect to be equally satisfied in every aspect of their lives/relationships. This borders on both physical and emotional abuse, especially since both parties are not ignorant to the fact that this is obvious one sided. I just don’t understand why/how, one person would not want to please their partner. I often think there’s more pleasure in that than there is in your own. Maybe someone can explain it me. Sorry..I don’t mean to sound angry but inequality of any kind gets under my skin and I view this that way.

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