These two things drove me crazy this morning…that’s right, that’s what fueled me getting to work and sitting down to work… Don’t you hate it when these happen:
1) RUDE-horn-blarer-guy: Did I hurry up and make a right hand turn as your light is turning green to drive straight? Yes, because I didn’t want to have to wait 5 minutes before the traffic cleared because Bake is a heavy volume street. I did so very SAFELY I might add, and with plenty of time, okay, no I had to hurry… and mainly BECAUSE YOU’RE THE FREAK that punches their gas pedal and comes out roaring 100 mph from dead stop, you are already laying (LAYING) on your horn before you’ve even punched your pedal (what are you doing in the slow lane anyway? We’re you driving around people and then got stuck at the light?)… and I was hyper-aware of you- I could see you rolling forward, then ease off the pedal, and then rolling forward… I knew what kind of driver you were- Go Speed Racer!… and immediately moved from the slow lane to the middle and left before you even crossed the intersection…yet you LAID on your horn the entire time as the light turned green as if I personally cut you off… all the other cars were still at the light, by the time I turned and immediately got in the middle lane… but not you, you went faster to be on my tail so that it looked like I cut you off… asshole. Who teaches their kids to drive like this? My husband travels a lot (driving miles and miles), and said he can ALWAYS tell when he’s getting close to Southern CA because of the idiot and asshole drivers. No one else drives like our area. Horns are to avoid accidents- a slight nice “beep” will do to let someone know don’t back out of parking space, I’m here. You, Speedy-horn-blarer are going to cause accidents.
2) Coffee-slurper-co-worker-dude: Dude, DUDE, doooooooodddde. Enough with the sluururrp every-time you take a sip. Slurrrrp…GULP…ahhhh. Are you kidding me? I used to find it mildly amusing… but every stinking workday and every.single.sip. I have to hear you doing this. AND you’re oblivious, especially with your earbuds in…which forces me to put in my earbuds. All I can picture is the character Barney, off the Simpsons- where his lips all move/wiggle when he belches. I picture him, every time you drink. You don’t know how much I want to curse right now… CURSE YOU, CURSES, CURSES… btw: that was clever writing by the old Batman guys. Since they couldn’t curse on t.v. (or in the comic strip) he put his hand in a fist and yelled “curses.” I never thought about it then…but totally get it now. Clever, clever! Raising my fist in the air CURSES, CUUUUUUURRRRSES. Where are Batman and Robin? They could BIFF … BAM … and POW… out of this situation.